Finding yourself

When my struggles started I would constantly wonder "Who am I". Coming out of high school I had no clue what the world had waiting for me and to say I was shocked would be an understatement. Shortly after graduation my best friend of 5 years and I decided to go our separate ways. While this may not seem like a big deal to most, it was huge for me. She was all I had known since I was 13, I had other friends but she and I did everything together for the most part so the split was tough. Being the lover I am I give my full self over to anyone who comes into my life. My moods a lot of the time depended on the response I got from said person that morning or how they were feeling that day etc.. I was young and codependent and didn't know who I was. After the split, my mental health went to its lowest point. I believe it was a mixture of all of the changes happening and not knowing who I was that sent me into such a spiral. While my therapist at the time did help me navigate finding myself I knew I had to do more than just what she was telling me. I really had to dig deep and figure out what I liked about life and myself. So, I started getting out more. Whether it was going out with friends, taking myself on a date day, going to the gym, or just having a girl's night in I did it all. It took a while but I finally found myself and what I liked to do. It sounds so weird to say because I've never been one to enjoy being alone but the thing I found most appeasing is spending time with myself. Some of my friends think it's weird to go eat in a restaurant alone but I loved it. In April I went to a music festival by myself and I can truthfully say it was the best time! It would have been cool to experience with a friend but I think it was healing for me to go alone. The best part about finding myself was falling in love with myself. I always thought it was a little far-fetched when someone would say "You can't love someone else unless you love yourself" but it is so true. Self-love allowed me to portray the best version of myself more in all the relationships in my life. It may not happen for everyone but I truly hope that anyone reading this at some point gives themselves a chance to experience falling in love with themselves.

Much love to all reading and apologies for such a long break in between posts. I hope you're well<3